Haunted House

A friend of mine suggested that since Halloween is approaching, we should visit a haunted house.  There are a number of these places around Atlanta, where people take over part of a mall and turn it into a maze full of vampires and smoke machines.  We found the address, next to a discount furniture outlet, and we knew we were in the right place when we saw various monsters wandering around the parking lot, making menacing gestures at squealing teenagers. The lizardy alien with glowing red eyes chased us to the ticket booth.  There were two paths to choose from, one called "Mangler", the other "Carnivore."  We went for the latter, and I noted that you'll never hear of a horror attraction called "Vegetarian".  

Upon entry, the first thing you see is a TV attached to a night-vision security camera - a novel way of reassuring the visitor that they won't get lost in the dark, and also dissuading anyone with funny ideas.  After the safety briefing about not smoking or eating, you walk through a labyrinth of corridors and chambers, each filled with a different variety of scary stuff, including actors who ham it up to great effect.  There was no unifying theme or logic to the place other than "BOO!", so the werewolves hung out in the mad scientist's laboratory, while a chainsaw maniac was guarding the occult temple of skulls.  Whatever.  Even though I kept repeating "It's only a theme park", we were a couple of nervous nellies, and I think I annoyed the group of teenagers in front of us with my screaming.  Still, I reserve the right to scream when an axe-wielding clown jumps out of the shadows at me.  I had read the website before we went, and one of the FAQs was "can you get lost?".  The answer is no, since it is not a maze, and while there are areas where you are meant to get disoriented, staff members will appear to direct you to the exit if you get turned around.  I required re-orientation in the hall of mirrors.  After a few minutes of running around in circles and screaming at my own reflection (yes, really), a helpful zombie lady shuffled in and stuck out her arm to show me the door.