Luck

My New Year's Resolution is to be a more consistent blogger, since I have so many fans who depend on me for their Monday morning amusement. Here I go.

I spend a lovely Christmas in Winnipeg (more on that soon) that was marred only by that lame-o terrorist setting his pants on fire, resulting in a cascade of crazed overreaction from the TSA. Therefore, my day of return travel started at 3:30 am, giving me plenty of time to hang around airports. In Minneapolis, I noticed this video arcade, featuring a collection of aviation-themed games.

Lucky Lindy? The image in the center, if you haven't guessed, is Charles Lindbergh. The back wall is painted with details about his historic trans-Atlantic flight. Since, as I said, I had a lot of time to sit around on my travel day, I started to contemplate the naming of this arcade. It seems to me that Lindbergh is not someone who should be considered lucky. Skilled aviator? Yes. Strategic thinker? Yep. Good writer? Totally. But anybody whose child is kidnapped and murdered as a result of his fame should be exempt from the "lucky" label. If only it had occurred to me to go and explain this to the teenagers in the arcade and thus ruin their day.

Thanksgiving Smackdown

My students' final paper was due before Thanksgiving weekend - a tactical move on my part, since I would prefer not to read papers that have been thrown together in a haze of tryptophan and football. Still, they whined that they wanted to have the weekend to work on the paper. The conversation in class went like this:

Them: If you give us the weekend, the papers will probably be better.
Me: In my professional experience, you are wrong about that. Also, do you really want to have the paper hanging over you during Thanksgiving?
Them: Do YOU really want to grade papers during your Thanksgiving?
Me: I'm Canadian. I had my Thanksgiving a month ago. Nice try.
Them: You mean you aren't going to celebrate Thanksgiving because you're Canadian?
Me: I will have a meal where I eat too much, but that won't interfere with my professional life.
Them: But don't you want to watch football?
Me: I find few things less interesting than football.
(General shock and confusion. Muffled sound of student saying "That's twisted!")

Them: But I bet you like hockey!
Me: No.
(Stunned silence)
Them: Do you like to watch any sports?
Me: I enjoy watching the stranger Olympic events, like Luge and Curling. However, the Olympics will not take place until next semester. Your paper is still due on Tuesday, y'all.

Frontier Bowling

Last Sunday I enjoyed a bowling experience with some colleagues. We discussed department politics while the local Postal Workers Tournament raged around us.

Check out my awesome "Cobra" bowling shoes.

Note that the landscape in the background is made of carpet. This has the effect of controlling the sound levels, while also contributing to the establishment's already notable kitsch value. There is an identical carpet landscape on the opposite wall, except it has an American flag in place of the Texas one. We wouldn't want to forget where we are.

Anti-Shoe

Like my new shoes? They allow one to enjoy the benefits of walking barefoot, while giving you enough protection to avoid getting tetanus. I even go running in them. I'm starting to become that weirdo who wants to tell you all about the benefits of eschewing conventional footwear. They have proved to be excellent conversation-starters, particularly with the teenagers at the grocery store who carry your packages out to your car. I think I should get kickbacks from the company that makes them.

Don't worry - I alternate them with stilettos to maintain my reputation.

Student Profiles

I have a student who missed the first week of class because he was deployed in Baghdad. I consider this a good excuse. He brought me a photocopy of his orders to show that he wasn't just playing hooky, and he also presented me with this souvenir of the Iraq of days gone by. I was shocked and awed. He pointed out that the currency is no longer legal tender "because he's dead", referring to the late Saddam. I said "Yes, yes, he sure is." I don't think his death is the technical reason it's no longer real money, but I wasn't going to get into it with a war veteran.

My students are an interesting bunch. In addition to the soldier, I also have two prison guards, two professional golfers, and a girl with a collection of pet snakes. I refer to my students by their surnames, i.e. Mr./Miss., and in one section I am blessed to have a Mr. Duck, a Mr. Fish, and a Mr. Kitten. It's like I'm teaching in an Aesop's Fable.

The Strip

Lubbock has some strange laws, like the one that says you can't buy a bottle of alcohol within the city limits. There is a local winery that seems exempt from the law, but if you want something besides the wines of West Texas (which are actually pretty good, to be fair) you have to drive out to "The Strip" - a row of warehouses covered in lurid neon, many of which offer drive-through service for the drinker on the go. My Dad came to visit on the weekend, and we decided to make an expedition to this culturally significant location. We were amused to find that hardly anything in the Canadian section was actually Canadian, except for us. I also noticed that a significant proportion of the store's wares were refrigerated, presumably so you can start mixing cocktails right there in the parking lot.

Frisky Frontier

Lubbock's Ranching Heritage Center, where the attractions include an assortment of windmills, offers a display of countless varieties of spurs. The aptly named "Gal Leg Spur" is made to resemble a lady's leg, complete with stocking and high-heeled boot. Saucy!